MEN’S RESPONSIBILITIES BUILDING HAPPY MARRIAGE

REV’D ICHULO ICHULO

Rev’d Ichulo Ichulo is one of the pillars of this great ministry, serving in one of the districts in Eket; how strong is the Assemblies of God church in Akwa Ibom State?

It depends on what you mean by being strong; if you’re talking about spirituality, yeah, Assemblies of God is leading because it is not a question of who talks louder, it is a question of maintaining a balance. For instance, in Assemblies of God we are not after the noise making.

We don’t want to produce the biggest church; we may be more in number than any Pentecostal church but Assemblies of God doesn’t magnify that, we don’t make noise about building biggest auditoriums, we are after missions – taking the gospel to every part of the world. We have reached different places that other churches do not consider at all. So we are doing very well and then doctrinally we are balanced, we are not extreme.

But when you say you don’t go extreme on the issue of doctrine? I know the Assemblies of God church still sees female members wearing trousers as sin. So how balanced is it? Personally, I believe that wearing trousers by a lady is not a sin but I also believe that we have to maintain a balance.

We have to respect our culture. If you see white female pastors come to this place to preach, you’ll not see them wearing trousers; that is their culture, but as soon as they come into Africa, they find acceptable mode of dressing here and then you find them sew our style of dresses to wear to preach the Gospel. Why? They want you to accept them first. People should accept you first before they accept your Gospel.

So there is no place in the Bible that says that a woman should not wear trousers but we have to maintain that balance. For instance, if my wife wears a trouser to the next service, you’ll discover that people will not listen to what I’m preaching.

It’s not because she has committed sin, but it is because she’s looking strange. People will say; Ah! Pastor’s wife on trousers? There is that cultural feeling that wearing trouser is a crime here. If you look at all the great churches that are even promoting the trouser-wearing for members, the wives of the founders are not wearing trousers, so it is the issue of maintaining a balance in the system.

Building good relationship and marriage appears to be your focal point. We are facing serious crises in Christian marriages. What’s really wrong with marriage today? The problem with marriage is that the leadership are not properly informed about marriage relationship. What matters in marriage has to do with the foundation; once the foundation is strong, the marriage will be fine.

The problem is if the pastor of the church doesn’t know the basics about marriage, what is he going to teach? There are many pastors that cannot effectively handle marriage teachings because their foundation in marriage is wrong. So the problem has to do with the leaders first.
When you’re talking to the couples, there are three things that are very important if you’re going to have a good marriage:

Your Love For Your Spouse Must Be Over-Dose
So love is not love until you love the way Christ loved the church. There is no space for ‘I am tired or the feelings has expired.’ The Bible says the lamb was slain even before the foundation of the world was laid (Revelation 13:8). So by the time you get into a marriage, your love should be over-dose. You need to have this mind-set in marriage.

I have handled two cases where one of them was a pastor. He wrote down all the mistakes of his wife up to 24, typed them and brought it to the meeting. I was alarmed, and I asked him; how could you have the mind of recording down the mistakes of your wife till they are 24, you even number them and then type them and brought them to the meeting as a proof of what you’re going through? That’s where the problem is.

You Have To Teach Your Spouse As A Baby
If you teach them as an adult or teach them as if you’re a lecturer, you’re going to have a problem. So you’ll teach them precept by precept, break it down and let it be on daily basis. You should not be tired in teaching; at the point you’re writing the vision, making it plain.
Sometimes you write it on the cardboard and put inside the room. For instance, I don’t like to eat a cold soup, you write and put it first thing when your wife gets up from the bed. It depends on how they were raised. So before you can change that person, it’s going to take some time. Some people it takes many years before you have your results.

You Must Be Patient
Rome will never be built in a day. If you have patience, you’ll have a good marriage.
For instance, I have two boys. They used to misbehave; we talk and talk over and over to them. One day, an idea came to me; I took them to eat and asked them to choose whatever they want to eat in the eatery that I’ll pay as your father. They looked at each other and laughed. They ordered for whatever they wanted, and were eating.

They didn’t know I was taking them there to teach them something about the family. And as they were eating, I told them, “You are the owner of this house, as soon as I die, you are the ones in charge of all the facilities; all the land, all the houses belong to you, I’m only a caretaker to you people. So, you have to start now to behave and show me you can handle all these things well after my exit. You can’t be behaving otherwise, causing trouble everywhere. Start now to show me you can manage these things.” Do you know that that idea changed my children?

From that time, my children will be ensuring things are properly done, they make sure all the doors are properly closed before going to bed, they started behaving well. Why the changes? I have been patient with them, I am teaching them like children. Today, those problems are no more there. We have to train more pastors in Bible colleges to take marriage issues very seriously.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” There are things to observe from this scripture: First, Christ loved the church from the beginning; secondly, he loved the Church to the end; thirdly, he died for the Church; fourthly, he was cleaning the Church, taking every filthiness away; fifthly, he was presenting the Church holy and without blemish. These are the responsibilities of husbands for their wives. So, it is wrong for you to blame, condemn, and disgrace your wife in the public. Bad marriage is a serious issue to the Church and the society.

The Bible is clear about the foundation of a good marriage. Deuteronomy 24:5 says, “When a man is newly married, he need not go into the army nor be obligated in any way; he must be free to stay at home for a full year and bring joy to the wife he has married (NET).” The KJV says the man should stay with the wife for one year, “and shall cheer up his wife…” This is the foundation for good marriage, the husbands are to withdraw from unnecessary activities; the man has only one responsibility – to cheer up the new wife he has married.

I tried to look up for the word cheer up; it simply means you find a way of tuning the woman to the right station so she can sing the right songs for you.
Within this one year, you’ll know what makes her angry, what makes her happy, how to get what you need from her, and everything.