CONDIMENTS FOR A GREAT AND BLISSFUL MARRIAGE
Written By Rev’d Ichulo Ichulo
In the last edition of Quest, I concluded a series on How to Change a Difficult Husband. In this edition, I am introducing a new series titled “Marriage Condiments.” To provide a proper follow-up and structure, I will be discussing this in three sub-topics:
A Great and Blissful Marriage — ‘AKPA’ Maintenance, Wisdom for Family Building and How to Manage Romantic High Tensions in Marriage.
Older marriages should naturally become more stable, sweeter and impactful. Sadly, this is not always the case. Instead, many older marriages are full of confusion, pain, and frustration. Why? Because instead of growing in knowledge drawn from years of experience, many grow in ignorance, selfishness, self-centeredness, and a “something-for-nothing” mentality.
In this lesson, I will share some secrets for maintaining HEAT- that is, romantic fire in older marriages. We will also explore the role of a skilful wife in keeping that fire alive.
WANTED! HEAT PRODUCERS
INMARRIAGE
1 Kings 1:1 “Now King David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he got no heat.” King David was once full of life, a mighty warrior and a passionate man. He could kill a man and take his wife. He had many wives, and everything seemed sweet and juicy – after all, he was the boss. But now, in old age, the game changed. There’s something about old age: it can turn yesterday’s sweetness into today’s blandness. Emotions fade, and life presents the truth as it is – a man’s life.
True fulfillment and satisfaction do not come from the abundance of possessions (Luke 12:15).
A. OLD AND COLD MARRIAGE
Now the king was old and sick. His sickness was symbolic: he had no heat, no excitement or pleasure. A bad marriage can make people emotionally or even physically sick. As believers and leaders, we must learn to number our days and apply our hearts unto wisdom and live right today, knowing that wrong decisions in our relationships can bring bitterness tomorrow.
B. COVERED, BUT COLD
“They covered him with blankets, but he got no heat.” The “blanket” here represents all the substitutes couples turn to in place of a meaningful relationship – side chicks, promiscuity, and infidelity (“home and away matches”) are not suitable replacements for a thriving marriage. The greatest need in today’s marriages – especially among believers – is couples with useful heads and skillful hands.
THE SEARCH FOR A WOMAN WITH A USEFUL HEAD AND SKILLFUL HANDS
One of King David’s aides observed that what the king needed was a young woman with a skillful touch. But where were all David’s wives? Possibly old and indifferent, perhaps more focused on positioning their sons for the throne than caring for their husband. Jealousy and selfishness had blinded them to the king’s emotional and physical needs.
What a tragedy! A marriage full of wives, but with no spark left. They could no longer provide warmth or excitement.
Even more troubling was how difficult it was to find such a woman. The search spanned all of Israel. This reflects how rare it is today to find men and women with the combination of wisdom and emotional intelligence — people with skillful hands and useful heads.
This same struggle led great men of old like Samson and Judah to the land of the Philistines in search of fulfillment. Sadly, some were disgraced or even destroyed in the process.
Today, the story hasn’t changed much. Many Christians have yet to wake up to the need for self-development in the area of love and romantic engagement.
We must read, learn, and grow, becoming wise as serpents and harmless as doves in the school of love and romantic engagements in marriage. The result is always the same. Many believers and even church leaders believing in “stolen water” has brought great shame and disgrace to many and to the name of God. In my thirty years as a marriage counsellor, I have handled cases that are not fit for the microphone or the pews. Where such women are found, the Bible says “their price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
SECRET OF MAINTAINING ROMANTIC FIRE IN OLD MARRIAGES
Eventually, the search team discovered Abishag the Shunammite woman! Yes! Throughout the Bible, Shunammite women were known for their strength, resilience, and faith. They were recognized for their useful heads and skillful hands in every area of life and endeavor. What I could not confirm at the time of this study is whether she was a full-blooded Jew or perhaps some kind of proselyte. Her name was Abishag. She possessed unique qualities and qualifications that now stand as a standard, a secret to maintaining romantic fire in old and cold marriages.
She was very fair
The word “fair” here does not refer to skin tone or hair color. No! To be fair means she was impartial and just, without favoritism or discrimination. She did not cheat or seek unfair advantage. She was not selfish, self-centered, or self-seeking. Abishag did not have a “something for nothing” mentality.
When couples die to self and put the needs of each other first, their marriages become healthy and blissful. At this point, it goes beyond just meeting needs, it extends to managing each other’s feelings and emotions. A great, healthy, and blissful akpa maintenance (needs good nourishing) can only be experienced by couples with useful heads and skillful hands, like Abishag.
She was very young
Old age is not a curse in marriage – it is a great blessing. However, the blessings of old age in marriage only manifest when couples are old in age but young in mind. To be young in mind means being open, receptive, and willing to learn new things, while also making necessary adjustments in life. The greatest person in life or in marriage can still suffer in areas where they lack knowledge (Hosea 4:6).
She always stood before the king
To stand before the king means that she was readily available to the king at all times.
Availability is a major prerequisite for super care in marriage. Super care refers to the ability to meet a partner’s needs in marriage even before they ask. Where needs are met in marriage, relationships flourish – people not only change, they become chained (bonded) to one another.
She cherished the king
To cherish the king means Abishag held him in high esteem. She valued him deeply, despite his old age and the obvious difference between them as playmates. What a woman!
Abishag made the king the idol and lord of her life. This level of value, care, and attention deeply affects a man’s emotional chemistry, it could make a man’s head “correct by force.”
And the result? Always threefold: protection, providence, promotion and open praise.
She ministered to the king
To minister to the king means bringing him whatever she believed would increase his pleasure or happiness. This required thoughtful investigation and planning.
What she brought could have included food, songs, stories, drinks, fruits, play, and yes even wild romantic displays and seductive games. What do you think? He could not have sex with her, but I am sure they rubbed, rolled, and shared love in basins and drums! Abishag was on special duty.
She must have taken romantic positions in their private room that made the king’s heart beat hot sweat from his neck. His imagination went wild – he could remember the good old days when he was mad with love. The king could even recall the day Solomon’s mother displayed seductive games that compelled him to promise that Solomon – number ten among the king’s sons – would become the next king of Israel. The skilful hands of Abishag drove away the cold and brought sweat to the old and cold king. The king didn’t just come back to life, he lived up to seventy. What a woman!
THE VALUE OF A WOMAN WITH A USEFUL HEAD AND SKILLFUL HAND IN MARRIAGE
The value of Abishag, the Shunammite woman, was revealed even after the king died. Solomon’s elder brother, Adonijah- who had lost the throne, came to request Abishag as a consolation prize. He didn’t realize the gravity of that request until it cost him his life.
According to King Solomon, to ask for his father’s wife was an act of treason, just like demanding the throne itself. And so Solomon ordered his execution. That’s how valuable Abishag was.
It is believed that King Solomon later married Abishag. The Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) is believed to be entirely dedicated to her worth and value. What a woman!
Read Song of Solomon 4:5 – it is a full-blown romantic and seductive description of this great lady. Read it for yourself and you’ll agree: “Woman pass woman.”
CONCLUSION
A great and blissful marriage – akpa maintenance. In this life, whether rich or poor, everyone eats the same garri or fufu but it is the quality of the soup that makes the difference.
In the same way, we may all be married, but the quality of our love life and romantic engagements determines whether we are students, teachers, or coaches in the school of love. If we knew all that God intended for His children in marriage, many would no longer settle for the “push-and-start,” “break-and-change” kind of marriage we often see today.
Thanks and remain blessed until we meet again. If you are in need of counselling, please reach out to us via text message using the following numbers: Phone: 07064787700, 08020684753
Text format: full name, location, request:
Rev. & Rev. Mrs. Ichulo Ichulo
FAMILY HEALTH MINISTRY INT’L
