MEN AND CRAVINGS FOR SEX
-THE WAY OUT
Ima Nkanta
Aside lust for money and power, illicit sex is another stronghold that has caged several men in the web of moral dungeon. But not many have woken up to the fact of the inherent danger in illicit sex as do the drive for it.
Sex in its wholesome sense is recommended, especially within the confine of matrimony; for God created it so. But it has since suffered abuse more than any other subject of creation the world over. Illicit sex has become notorious, and very destructive not only to the family institution, but the entire society. Millions of people are caught in the web – educated and uneducated, the rich and the poor, godly and the ungodly. Needless to say that many successful institutions, marriages and even government have been brought to their knees by the destructive and smouldering fire of illicit sex.
But of all sexes, men are predators and more often guilty of abuse. A greater percentage of rape cases and other violent lascivious orgies are linked to men’s unbridled and insatiable sexual lust. Little wonder why Abraham Maslow, a social psychologist, writing on motivation and the nature of human needs, observed that man’s needs are insatiable. One material need gives birth to another, and eventually will climax at the need for sex. But sex itself doesn’t seem to satisfy else ‘one man one partner principle’ would suffice. But men of all shades have continued to dig into the absurd for sexual rumble. And marriage walls can’t even contain the fire under the triangle.
Isn’t it the most bizarre when the news went to town that a highly revered monarch in western part of Nigeria went berserk, induced and forcefully had a carnal knowledge with a youth corper serving in his domain? Or will you not sniffle at the suffocating stench of the sexual weirdness of a clergy who had to bolt away in the cover of the night with his family from his place of primary assignment, because the villagers were about to vent their spleen on him in the morning as a consequence of the man-of God his sexual notoriety against married women of the community, particularly members of his congregation? No, let’s not go there, several pages can’t take the stories of sexual misdemeanor of men.
According to Dr. Gary and Barbara Roseberg, American’s foremost family counselors, men generally behave as though sex is the only thing they’re occupied with up their minds all day long. “Says Dr. Roseberg, “I encourage them to recognize that our focus on physical needs makes us look as if that’s all we think about. In fact, the typical male does think about sex throughout the day.”
A no-holds-barred discourse by some Christian men over their grueling past experiences and how they broke free from the pull of lust, was helpful.
“Illicit sex is the number one enemy of men. It kills individual’s future, and the negative impact of its consequence passes on from one generation to another. Many men don’t know this; and the worst thing that can happen to any man is to be dead on the inside. Illicit sex kills right on your inside,” one of the discussants enthused. Another discussant, while relating his past escapades, told the audience that illicit sexual orgy was not only a major obstacle to men, but that the practice was demonic. His remarks: “This kind of sex is demonic, and this was a problem to me, and it’s also the problem of many of us here who are involved in this type of sex.
For Hilliard, he had reason to voice out his pain. He had given his life to Christ as far back as early 90s and was deeply involved in street evangelism. The fire of passion was burning in him as he unrelentingly preached Christ’s word in the streets of Lagos where he then resided. But shortly after he relocated to his home state in the South South, he helplessly got plunged into the murky waters of lust; the torrent of its resurgence drowned his faith. He fell backward, and lost his purity and boldness before God. It cost him a great deal to hit a rebound and make a detour for God. His determination yielded some results.
Hilliard was his frank self when he passionately called on men to recognize that illicit sex was their vilest enemy, and that it pays to extricate oneself from the web. Akan Emmanuel who led the discussion charged men to stop pretending and come out their shadows as God has answers for prolonged illegitimate sex habit.
CAUSES OF MEN’S APPETITE FOR ILLEGITIMATE SEX HABIT
Pressure at home
Marriage is entered into for companionship, happy living and sex, according to Emmanuel Mike, author of the book Keeping your Marriage Hot and Fresh Forever. But in practice, not many are actually running a fulfilling marriage; either problems of compatibility or economic and financial pressures or even other family pressures directly or indirectly can attack a man’s emotion and break his guard. King Solomon says that oppression makes a wise man mad, according to Ecclesiastes 7:7: Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad; and a gift destroyeth the heart. And except the man is standing properly in his faith, he may unconsciously drift into other mundane practices like late night keeping, games, alcohol, illicit sex and other negative social behaviors, just to assuage the pressure from the home front. But unfortunately, such social behaviours only reinforce appetite for sex pleasures, except an intervention shows up.
Laxity
Men who lead a loose life, not principled and not defining each relationship, end up attracting all sorts of characters around them. Such ‘open territory’ permits all kinds of ‘friends’ to flock around. These are lurid story-tellers with nimble social and interactive ability. Habits such as drinking, smoking and night-clubbing follow their trail. Loose girls, of course, go crazy for such men, and they are available at a tickle. God frowns at such attitude, saying: “Woes to them that are at ease at Zion.”
Bad company
Evil communication corrupts good manner, and he who is a companion of fools shall be destroyed, says the scriptures. Many innocent men are enticed into the web of sexual perversion by people they tango with, either in places of work or at other social places. To avoid being trapped into wrong habit, be sure the person who is around you can influence you positively. It takes one who’s standing well to lift up the fallen, else both will swim deeper in the mire.
Exposure to Porn
Men’s exposure to pornography and visit to brothel and ladies’ apartment can generate craving for sex. In our society, porn materials and lewd women are everywhere and weak men are addicted already to porn. A sinful habit that’s become difficult for most victims to overcome, except through the help of the Holy Spirit.
Sex lust starts from the mind – the control panel of man. When vulnerable men are exposed to porn images and languages, the mind now polluted with these pictures will want to act on its influence. Guard your heart with God’s word against demonic bite of the dog. Meditation on God’s words releases enormous power for transformation of the mind from a weak one to a strong-demon- resisting one.
Over-hang of Guilt
Over-hang of guilt-consciousness is a wicked weapon in the hands of the devil to keep people away from God. Sometimes, even after confessing sin, many still feel guilty and dirty – not fit to come before God. Feeling guilty, drains your confidence in God. Your mind becomes negative, forming wrong pictures and you feel so helpless and worthless. This sense of guilt drives many back into the vomit they once poked. Sexual sin causes more guilt consciousness, and the demon of it would always make you believe, ‘you’re not fit before God’. You need to believe God beyond your thought; after you have consciously confessed and forsaken the wrong behavior, show gratitude for the grace of God to lift you higher as you grow in faith. Stop reeling in guilt, rise up in spiritual violence and take control of your life, after repentance.
Incontinence
Excessive lustful lifestyle, lack of self-control, culture and family history are all linked to demonic influence that can drain men’s purpose.
WAY OUT OF THE SEX CAGE
Knowledge
Man know thyself, is a philosophical summit attributed to Socrates to mean that if you must extricate yourself from the cobweb of illicit sex, you need to come to the awareness of your weakness and its danger to your destiny. Many people who are lost to lust don’t know they are operating under incriminating influence of a curse, if they know, quite a lot would struggle to pullout of the quagmire. So, the first stop-post of freedom is knowledge, for ‘through knowledge shall the just be delivered,’ says the Proverbs.
What do you need to know? Illicit sex is neither fun nor pastime, but self-delusion and destruction. It’s also against God’s altar – the body. Do you think the scriptures missed it when it says, whoever destroys God’s temple, him shall God destroy? Let’s avoid having to face battle with God. No one ever wins!
Knowledge will empower you, reinforce your determination and resolve to come out of the horrible put of sexual slum. When you know that illicit sex is your enemy, then you’ll run away from it. The book of proverbs is awash with knowledge of how you can escape from the stranglehold of sexual lust. Make Proverbs your companion in this laudable adventure.
God and Golgotha
The fear of the Lord, says Proverbs, is ‘to depart from evil.’ As pointed out earlier, illicit sex is the worst self-inflicted evil beside suicide. Many Christians who indulge in it don’t actually have a revelation of the fear of the Lord, and that’s why the demon of lust still prevails on them. Imagine two illicit sex partners in front of the church pew, and after so much ‘rebuke, binding and casting-out exercise’, still return to their hide away to sin. It’s because the demon of this evil has taken over their nature, crippled their will and paralyzed any form of resistance, making them to find excuse for their behaviours.
But answer comes after waking up to the reality of the odious act. Then you humbly sincerely ask God for help. You must walk up to Golgotha and lay your weakness on the foot of the Cross where Jesus had received the sting of death and crushed the power of sin. Look up to Jesus on that old rugged cross where he bled and died for you. At Golgotha or Calvary, there is no struggle just that you will have to yield yourself. Would you go to Calvary? Kneel down right where you are, lift your hands in surrender, call on Jesus for help, for at Calvary he cried: It’s finished!
Walk Away
The demon of sexual sin is very obstinate. Therefore, you must walk away from those illicit partners. Don’t show sympathy; be ruthlessly determined. Keep a distance! Resist the emotion of it If she’s in your surroundings, build a wall of defense against emotional attack through meditation on God’s word, fasting and sharing your current conviction and stand with others. If you don’t walk away, you’re facing potential dynamite. What you don’t deal with will turn around to deal with you. Walk away – it pays!
Self-discipline
Self-discipline is your ability to make sacrifices for good. It’s temperance, it’s maturity in character and conduct towards opposite sex. Sex temptation abounds everywhere but your ability to stay out of its trap is the master key for triumphs. Most men will exercise discipline to conduct morning devotion at home, pay tithe, attend choir meetings, but when it comes to sex with partners other than their wives they fail. Excuses are that sex is natural and happens when it happens. Is it every time you’re hungry that you eat? Disciplined men starve themselves of sex because of desire for greater spiritual walk with God, fellowship with the Holy Spirit and need exercise authority always over negative spirits.
